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Aphorisms
An aphorism is a short, pointed sentence expressing a wise or clever observation or a general truth.
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a dog and you will have a permanent job. Oh, so very true!!
10.No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4:00 a.m. It could be a correct number.
13. No one ever says “It’s only a gam” when their team is winning.
14. I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.,
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, there will be thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos. (And rap music will be the golden Oldies!)
18. Money can’t buy happiness—but somehow, it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
19. After 60, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!
20. Always be yourself. Because the people that matter, don’t mind. And the ones that mind, don’t matter.An extra one just for you! Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
Now some of the more interesting news that has crossed our desk.
EWWWWW A steward on a SunExpress flight from Ankara, turkey, to Dusseldorf, Germany, discovered a disturbing addition to an in-flight meal on July 21; a severed snake’s head nestled among the spinach. The steward took a video, Metro News reported, but SunExpress took offense: “The allegations and shares in the press regarding in-flight food service are absolutely unacceptable and a detailed investigation has been initiated on the subject,” a statement read. The airline’s meals are provided by Sancak Inflight Services, which alleged the snake head was added to the meal after they prepared it.
BAD SPORT
At the Moscow Open chess tournament on July 19, a chess-playing robot apparently became unsettled by a 7-year-old player’s quick move in the game, so it grabbed the child’s hand and snapped one of his fingers, the Guardian reported. “The robot broke the child’s finger,” said Sergey Lazarev, president of the Moscow Chess Federation. “This is of course bad.” Ya think? Another official explained: “There are certain safety rules and the child apparently, violated them. When he made his move, he did not realize he first had to wait,” The player, Christopher, returned to the tournament the next day. His parents have contacted the public prosecutor’s office.
MARKETING PLOY?
Citing confusing contradictory reasons, Klondike announced on July 26 that it is discontinuing its beloved Choco Taco ice cream treat, the Associated Press reported. The confection, invented in 1983 by a former ice cream truck driver, has rabid fans; Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian offered to buy the rights to keep it on the market, but Klondike’s parent, Unilever, didn’t respond. Later the same day, Klondike tweeted that it was “working hard” to bring the Choco Taco back “in the coming years.”
BACKLASH
If you order the plant-based sausage with your breakfast at Cracker Barrel, better do it sotto voice. The company’s addition of the Impossible Foods product to its menu is causing an uproar among loyal restaurant fans, CNN Business reported. “I just lost respect for a once great Tennessee company,” one person opined, among others who called the decision “woke.” Cracker Barrel responded with an Aug. 4 Instagram post of the new offering, captioned, “Where pork-based and plantbased sausage lovers can breakfast all day in harmony.” Can’t we all just get along! —CC— DAUGHTER TEXTS DAD ON WEDDING PROPOSAL Today’s generation daughter texts her dad with a Viber. My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding!”
Lots of love and thanks, from your favorite daughter, Lilly.
Lilly’s Dad does a text reply as follows: “My Dear Lilly, ike Wow! Really? Cool! Whatever! I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through Paypal. And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on Ebay!
L.O.L., Daddy! —CC—
And last of all the following is one of my favorite items that I have ever received, and I wanted to share it with our readers.
BEGIN WHERE YOU ARE by Dr. tom Barnard This poem is attributed to the late Louise Fletcher. The poem speaks hope to those who are lost or discouraged or are looking for a place of beginning again. It is perfect for leaders wanting a new vision for their work. If you decide to delete this essay, save the poem. It will give a new dimension to whatever you do next.
I wish that there were some wonderful place called the Land of Beginning Again, Where all our mistakes and all our heartaches, and all of our poor selfish grief, Could be dropped, like a shabby old coat at the door, and never put on again.
Little praises unspoken, little promises broken,
Little duties neglected, that might have perfected, the day for one less fortunate. It wouldn’t be possible not to be kind, in the Land of Beginning Again, And the ones we misjudged, and the ones who
we grudge,
Their moments of victory here, would find in the grasp of our loving handclasp, More than penitent lips could explain. So I wish that there were some wonderful place, called the Land of Beginning Again,
Where all our mistakes, and all our heartaches, and all of our poor selfish grief, Could be dropped like a shabby old coat at the door, and never put on again. Preacher and teachers speak about such a land. It is a place where “hope springs eternal.” They call it many things—where faith begins; where God’s call is heard for the first time; where sins are forgiven.
The problem with Fletcher’s affirmation is that it is incomplete. It speaks about a place where mistakes can be discarded, “like a shabby old coat at the door.” Its tense is past—heartaches, selfish grief, praises unspoken, promises broken, duties neglected, people misjudged . . . somewhere in our dark past. We may be able to point to a place where the past ceases to be. But then what? Where does starting over begin?
In his excellent book, Start Where You Are, (Word Publishing, 1999), Charles Swindoll offers an answer: “To start fresh, to start over, to start anything, you have to know where you are. To get somewhere else, it’s necessary to know where you’re standing right now. That’s true in a department store or in a big church, on a freeway or on a college campus ., . . or in life, for that matter. Seldom does anybody ‘just happen’ to end up on a right road. The process of redirecting our lives is often painful, slow, and even confusing, Occasionally, it seems unbearable.” But it requires a beginning point—a point of reference. You must know where you are. And when you discover that, my friend, start there!
Do you remember the words to Bill and Gloria Gaither’s chorus, “Something Beautiful”?
“Something beautiful, something good All my confusion, He understood All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strive, But He made something beautiful of my life.”
God has promised, “I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust, and the gnawing locust.” (Joel 2:15) God is saying to you that the Land of Beginning Again brings hope not only for the future,